One of the best ways to build confidence and at the same time on of the scariest ways is going out alone. Going to a club or a bar totally on your own, no friends, no acquaintances and no social proof whatsoever. Brrrr… scary shit.
The reason why this is such a good way to build confidence is because you’re forced to rely on yourself and your own abilities to have a good time. You’re forced to approach guys and girls (If you REALLY want to learn how to approach women, CLICK HERE NOW) and start conversations or else you’re going to look like a lone loser sitting in the corner of the club having a miserable time. And this enormous push out of your comfort zone is an incredibly fast and efficient way to building confidence and social skills at the same time.
Fortunately going out alone is really not so difficult or scary as you may imagine it to be. The rest of this post will be a guide how to go out alone, have fun doing so and making a ton of new friends (and hooking up with the opposite sex if that’s what you’re looking for).
The Basics of Going Out Alone
There are a few basic rules to make the process of going out alone fun and successful. If you stick to these rules then you’ll do just fine even though it might take you a couple of times to get used to it.
You’re going out alone to have fun. That is your main goal for the night. You’re not going out to build confidence, you’re not going out to make new friends, you’re not going out to get laid. You’re going out to have fun. Drill that into your mind and do not go out with any objective other than to have fun. All other goals (like making friends, getting laid, building confidence etc.) will flow naturally when you’re having fun.
I found that when you focus on getting laid or making friends it just doesn’t happen nearly as often as you like and as a result you end up having a crappy night because you didn’t achieve your goal. That’s why your goal is to have fun no matter what.
If you have the correct mindset of having fun then smiling will come naturally. When you smile not only does it show other people you’re confident, having fun and in a positive mood with good energy, it also raises your own mood and energy level. (I read somewhere that your brain can’t tell the difference between a fake or real smile, the result in energy and mood change is the same. So if you have to, fake the smile. You’ll likely still feel better.
It doesn’t meant that you should walk around the club with a constant grin on your face, but smile from time to time.
3-) Talk To Everyone
When you are out at a bar or club on your own, you want to be talking to everyone. Speak to the bouncers, the barman, men, women, young, old, ugly, hot, drunk or sober. This is a super powerful technique that achieves multiple things at the same time:
You’re making yourself feel more comfortable and getting in state to talk, party and be fun.
You’re increasing the chances of meeting someone cool, making a friend or creating attraction with the opposite sex.
You’re making someone else’s night better.
You’re creating social proof because other people will see you speaking to everyone and thus assume you are confident and fun, and it makes them want to meet you too.
Just say hello, start a conversation about a random topic like how white people have no rhythm, offer to buy someone a drink (but not “can I buy you a drink?”, more like “let’s go do a shot of Jaeger”).
4-) Eye Contact
It’s very important to make and maintain strong eye contact with everyone in the club. Of course don’t stare down badass guys who look like they can kill someone. With guys and girls, look them in the eye, don’t be the first to look away.
Sometimes eye contact with someone from the opposite sex for 2-3 seconds and then a big smile is all it takes to not go home alone that night.
Dancing is something that you should do from time to time when you go out alone. It’s nice when you want to take a break from talking to people or you just want some time to chill without having to be approaching people all the time. Go have some fun, get on the dance floor and just do your thing. Remember to have fun, and it will show to others too, again building more social proof. Usually if the club is busy and there are a lot of people dancing, then it’s very easy to find someone from the opposite sex on the dance floor without even having to say a single word. I’ve taken many girls home where most of the interaction was purely dancing and eye contact.
If you don’t know how to dance, spend tome time and effort to learn some decent moves. There are plenty of tutorials on Youtube or you can just mimic people who you see are good dancers in the club.
Applying The Rules When Going Out Alone
Those are the 5 basic rules when going out alone. If you apply these every time you go out to a club or a bar by yourself, you’ll be having tons of fun, making new friends, getting laid and whatever else your goals may be.
Remember that it will take some practice before you get really comfortable to go out by yourself, but it’s a skill really worth learning (just like learning how to approach women).
I’m currently living in Minsk, Belarus and I don’t know anybody in this city. Yesterday night I felt like going out so I went to one of the more popular nightclubs by myself. I went around 12:30 to be sure that the club was reasonably busy already (this is another thing to keep in mind. Going out alone is easier when there are a lot of people in the club, you’ll blend in easier).
Arriving at the venue, I pay my entrance fee (which was like $15) and I get in the elevator with 2 girls to go up to the club. I immediately say hello to them and smile, but they don’t speak a word of English. I throw a couple of broken Russian words at them (since I don’t really speak the language) and one girl smiles and the other is flatout cold. Whatever. I go into the club and smile at a few more girls, walk half way around the club and go get myself a drink at the bar.
I then proceed to walk around the club slowly, keeping eye contact, smiling at girls. I eventually chill and lean against a column in the club next to the dancefloor. Literally within a minute of me standing there some guy just pushes a girl over to me and she’s all shy. I say hello and talk to her a little bit. I talk to her friend too, and then dance a bit. I go and get myself another drink at the bar an this time sit on one of the bar chairs.
Some young guys sitting next to me so I start a conversation. One is from Japan, studying here. Another is from here. Just make some small talk, about how the women here are beautiful, about how Amsterdam is awesome etc. I speak to this one super stunning girl, but she is cold as ice and doesn’t even acknowledge me. Whatever, I don’t care. It’s kind of funny and she’s in a bad mood but I’m having fun anyway.
I go and dance and within a minute or 2 the girls from the elevator come and dance with me, showing off their moves and stuff. I try to speak to them again but they don’t speak English. I’m pretty sure I could have kissed both of them at the same time at that point but I have a girlfriend so I don’t do that. They saw I wasn’t interested and left. I continue to dance, speak to some more girls and then walk around the club a bit more.
Feeling a little tired I go and find another column to lean against. There’s a cute girl standing right next to me, she looks at me, I keep eye contact and realize she wants me to say hi, so I say hi. We start talking, just very relaxed, about the club, where we’re from etc. We talk for like 15 minutes and I ask her for her number which she puts into my phone. She goes to find her friend and I go dance some more. Speak to some more girls. I find my telephone number girl later in the club and we speak a bit, and go look for her friend together. We go and dance a bit and again I’m like 99% sure that I could have kissed her if I wanted to. We talk a bit more and she leaves to go find her friend, and I decide it was a nice night and time to go home.
So that’s how you handle going out alone. Make new friends, have a great time, get laid if you want, get telephone numbers. So there you have it, a complete guide to going out alone. If you want to learn how to approach women (which will tremendously help you every time you go out, CLICK HERE NOW.
I’d love to hear your feedback and your success stories, so if you follow this guide and you have an awesome night out on your own because of it, write a little field report and mail it to me through the contact form. (If you want we can publish it on the blog)